Fear of enmeshment makes us avoid commitment, and fear of abandonment makes us posessive. If we can heal those wounds then the old structure literally crumbles, and anything becomes possible in your relationships.
When you look at it from the perspective of personal energy, “being nice” is actually disempowering on multiple important levels. For one, you aren’t actually being “you”. You are playing some role that you feel you should play. That keeps you from being truly known by other people and from knowing yourself. You just live a lie.
On a deeper level, you are putting your own desires and goals and preferences on hold for other people. Why? Aren’t you worth having your own opinions and desires? If you don’t stand up for yourself, who will? You have to be your own advocate in this life…and besides…we only have this one life to live this time around, so LIVE IT rather than letting it pass you by!
And on an energetic level, when you claim your power, your opinions, and trust your instincts, you hook into the flow of the energy of creativity and manifestation. Coincidences start happening. Doors start closing and opening. Things shift for the ultimate better.
Often we can fall into a routine and expect our partners to know what we want. Other times it can just be a lame excuse for acting childish. Take responsibility for your own needs and desires! You are an adult! Act like one! Your partner is not responsible for meeting your needs. YOU ARE. Your partner is there to love you, not to take care of you like you are a two year old.
Know your self. Know your own mind, and speak up and ask for what you want!
And be ready to hear a “no” and take it like an adult!
It’s 99% guaranteed. If one of you is rolling your eyes when the other person talks, your relationship is doomed because you’ve already lost mutual respect for each other. No relationship can be successful without respect, because without respect trust can not exist.
You have one chance to repair lost trust or lost respect, but that’s it. Emotionally our hearts will forgive one time, but after that self-protection mechanisms get put into place to prevent further pain. So if you see someone rolling their eyes as their partner speaks you can bet they won’t last.
Plenty of couples are miserable and trapped in long term relationships. Just staying together does not make it a success. Redefine what measures success by changing your persepective to see the depth of connection, understanding and love in the relationship.
Relationships have a natural harmonious course that they run. They may be there for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, but trying to force-fit a relationship into a mold that it doesn’t naturally fit is a recipe for pain. Be in right relation to what is natural. Don’t try to change one thing into another. Be open, honest, and call things straight. Focus on successful mental and emotional connection depth rather than staying together at all costs.