“S”, a man from England, asks:
I have entered a fairly new relationship and I’m having great sex, we where both quite frigid and my girlfriend told me she never came before having sex with me. The issue is, I don’t have a problem getting it up, but I have a problem keeping it up! Half a year ago I stopped masterbating and watching Porn, and I would of thought this would of really helped me out in the bedroom. But for some reason, I find myself at half mast.
Just wondering if you had any ideas to help me out?
So many guys ask about not getting hard enough. It’s a big deal for a lot of guys. I’ve also experienced it myself and healed it (my sex life had become mundane and I couldn’t super hard). There are a few main categories that half mast problems can fall into. Note: I do NOT advocate medication. I only advocate life changes that can create results.
Not turned on enough
The single most common reason that I’ve seen is because the guy’s mind isn’t turned on enough. LOTS of things contribute to that. For example, not being in love with the woman, a feeling that you are doing something wrong (like a guy who is cheating on his wife), being exhausted, playing a role that you “should” play rather than doing what you really want to do in life, not being turned on enough by your partner or the sex or her energy isn’t hot enough to get you super hard. These are addressed by identifying what specific things DO get you super hard and what things don’t, and then making and implementing a plan to change your sex-life to bring in more of the things that get you super hard and have less of the stuff that doesn’t. That can be as simple as watching porn while you have sex with your partner or exploring a fantasy together, but you need to have the communication tools to help you bring them up in a way that doesn’t trigger your partner. (This is the category I fell into personally, and I healed it by changing my sex life with my wife so we did things that made me super hard and really got me off).
Use it or lose it
Another main category is losing erection quality because of physical anatomical degradation. i.e. use it or lose it. Guys who don’t have regular erections and regular ejaculations lose penis size and erection quality. If the pc muscle loses it’s strength then the erection and ejaculations get weaker. This can be addressed by simple penis exercises to strengthen the muscles and restore elasticity to the tissues. Within a month you see real serious results by doing 5-20 minutes of exercises 3 times per week. The flip side is that you can hurt yourself if you do the exercises wrong or too vigorously, so having a coach is really a good idea! You don’t want to hurt yourself down there!
Internalized sexual shame
The last big catergory that I have seen has to do with internalized sexual shame. What I mean is that sometimes sexual shame gets stored inside our body and results in physical malfunction. For example feeling that my penis is too small and is not powerful enough to be satisfying for my partner can literally result in muscles in the pelvis locking up, atrophying, becoming painful, and ceasing to function. Some guys end up with killer pain in their groin or pelvis that doctors can’t release. For these a combination of physical therapy or a specific stretching regiment with emotional clearing work can release the internalized shame from the body tissues and restore normal healthy functioning.
Make a positive change
So, those things said, there are definitely other things that also can contribute, but these are the biggest reasons I have seen. The great thing is that these can be dealt with and healed with simple methods just by changing what you do in your life. So many guys live in mediocre sex lives and never look for a way to make it better, so good for you for taking a step to improve your sex life!!! If any of this resonates with you and you have any more questions or would like any help, just let me know. I’m happy to help. Thanks again for asking!!! I wish more guys would be as brave as you!